i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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