If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
