Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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