Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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