Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
