A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
