just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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