Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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