not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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