remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
