I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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