I can tuck mytits in my pants
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What a dumb baby whore.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
