That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
