shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
