he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
