Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
