It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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