My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
