ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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