So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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