this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
