Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
