I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
