To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
