Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
