OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
