i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
time to smoke my breakfast
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
