have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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