i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
