If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
