Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize