Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am puke
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
