So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
