Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
