3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
