Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The struggles of a small town man whore
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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