Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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