1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
