who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
