I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
