Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
