perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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