She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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