Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize