I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They are going to name an STD after you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
