I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
