It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
