JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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