yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
