I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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