ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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