No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
