your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
