I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
