it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
