Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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