i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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