just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
third nipple confirmed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
