I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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