but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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