I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
