dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
