i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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