you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
