We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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