I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize