it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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